A lesson learned

I learned something about myself this morning that I want to share..funny because it's not that flattering on my part but oh well.
Thomas stayed home sick yesterday. He asked me if Emily was always this sweet. I started thinking about it and yes, lately she has been such a sweetheart. It dawned on me that she is feeling better! I thought back to last week when I was sick with a very painful infection...I was not so sweet. I was ornery and frustrated and very impatient with everyone. Isn't it funny how I wanted Emily to put on a happy smile for everyone and be sweet and kind no matter how horrible she was feeling. I really struggled with being quite embarrassed by her actions when she wouldn't acknowledge people when they came in sometimes or act excited to see them. I had a picture in my mind of how she would be such a light to everyone who walked in the room. I know, WAY too much pressure to put on a 6 year old!(Don't worry, I never told her of my dreams!)
My sweet brother Jeremy helped me realize that it is not fair to expect anyone to always be "everyone Else's inspiration" all the time. I needed to let Emily be....Emily, not the girl who has gone through so much and is so amazing! It really gave me a better perspective coming from someone who is paralyzed from the waste down and always gets to be "everyones inspiration".
When we put anyone on a pedestal so to speak, or expect them to be the best example of how to handle life when they are going through adversity, we are being very unfair. Take movie stars or star athletes for example. So many people idolize these people for the things they watch them do. When these same people make mistakes and make bad choices, the world seems to be shocked! How could this be?!
It is important for us all to look past the wheelchair, hearing aids, bald head from chemo, and many other physical features and remember that they have trials just like everyone else. Just because we can see or know about their trials does not make them "superhuman", capable of handling every situation perfectly. It is OK for them to be ornery sometimes too!
Anyway, as an adult I was able to fake it pretty good when it came to the outside world but when it came to Matt and the kids, I just didn't have it in me! I was hurting and exhausted! It made me realize that for all of you who may not have seen Emily at her "sweetest" take it as a compliment, she must have felt VERY comfortable around you, knowing that you would love her no matter how she acted!
It seems that the ones we love most are the ones we sometimes hurt the most. I think it is because we all have bad days, we can't be "UP" all the time. It is actually comforting to me to know that my family will forgive me and help lift me up when I am down.
Emily is teaching me so much! I had just a few days of feeling miserable and she had months, She IS a light to all of us who know her, she IS my inspiration. I am so impressed with how she has chosen to handle all of this. How would you feel to be taken from your world of friends, playing, swimming, school, church, etc. etc. and put into a hospital for a month, get so sick, loose your hair and come home to only be isolated for the next 6 to 9 months!
She has decided to be happy and enjoy school at home, Leo, her family and the times she gets to play with friends. She misses how it used to be but you don't hear about it very often.
I know that her hard days aren't over with yet; but I do know that I will have a lot more patience when they come, knowing that if she doesn't act her "sweetest" she is just handling things the best way she knows how!
I feel like this lesson is one of Gods tender mercies. I am so grateful I listened! Now, if I can remember what I have been taught I know I will be a better mom and wife to my very deserving family!
-Jill